Fuck Umbrellas

I hate people who open their umbrellas without looking around. My eyeballs don’t appreciate that, thank you. I hate when there’s a metre wide overhang providing a slight refuge from the rain for those without an umbrella, and some idiot with an umbrella walks there, taking up the space of 3 people and forcing those WITHOUT umbrellas or adequate rain protection to walk in the rain. I hate it when people use giant umbrellas and reduce walking space for everyone else within 2 metres. I hate those jerks that get on the elevator and shake out their umbrellas. Thanks. You’re like a wet dog. I cannot stand watching those cute couples sharing an umbrella, holding hands, and being all starry eyed. (I jump in puddles near these people) I hate people with “funky” and “fashionable” umbrellas. Get bent.

I will never be found with an umbrella. I would much rather die of rain than join the ranks of you insecure jerks.